Law Enforcement Leaders Share Lessons from Fatherhood

What parenthood has taught me, specifically in regard to a child on the spectrum: patience and understanding.

No day, no minute, no situation is the same as the one before. My son is a small human that thinks and feels just like the rest of us, just in his own way. I need to slow down and let him experience and communicate for himself, as painful as it might be.

Being a member of the Law Enforcement Advisory Committee for Autism New Jersey has emphasized the importance of teaching our children to provide a safe and inclusive environment for our special needs population. Being a father influences my approach to inclusion because I directly see the importance of having a sense of belonging from my own daughter. I make it a point to bring my daughter with me to community events whenever possible. I now find myself often initiating dialogue with individuals with ASD not just in law enforcement situations, but in everyday life.  Everybody has the right to feel respected and part of the group.

Parenthood has taught me the need for patience, empathy, and the importance of seeing situations from another person’s perspective. Raising children has shown me that people often need guidance, understanding, and support, not just discipline. It has also strengthened my ability to stay calm under pressure, listen carefully, and think about the impact of my decisions.

Being a dad has made me a better cop and a better person.

When I became a father, I learned the importance of speaking with compassion, patience, and kindness.

Parenthood helped me become a better communicator, especially when working with children, by teaching me to listen carefully and understand their needs, concerns, and aspirations. Most importantly, becoming a father taught me the meaning of unconditional love and the responsibility that comes with supporting and guiding others. Those lessons have shaped not only who I am as a parent, but also how I lead, serve, and connect with people in my professional life.

Being a dad has taught me to have the patience I didn’t know I had and that chaos and joy often look exactly the same.

Perhaps the most valuable lesson I have learned is that kids don’t remember every lesson you try to teach them, they remember how you made them feel.  I have also learned that each child needs something different, one may need encouragement, one may need structure, and one may just need some cuddle time on the couch.  I’ve learned that time moves unbelievably fast and to cherish every moment.  Being a dad isn’t about being a perfect parent, it’s about becoming a better person because three little people are watching how you live. Being a dad has taught me skills that carry directly over into law enforcement leadership.  I have learned how to stay calm under pressure, listen carefully, and guide people through difficult moments.

Being the father of a child with profound autism has completely reshaped my life. While parenting is not always easy, it is always magical seeing the beauty of his mind and the new things he teaches me about myself every single day.

His needs have profoundly shaped my vision as a Police Chief. That vision is realized by ensuring every law enforcement officer who serves alongside me is trained and deeply committed to making peaceful, compassionate, and understanding contact with members of our special needs community. This once in a generation shift in policing will help forge a lasting de-escalation-first approach, one that honors the dignity and humanity of every individual we serve. I am extremely thankful as a father and a chief of police for ANJ’s LEAC as they forge this path throughout the state’s law enforcement communities.